查看完整版本: 笑话十则

笑话十则

1、妈妈公车上喂奶！超爆笑！

公交车上，一位年轻妈妈正在给宝宝喂奶！
可宝宝就是不吃，妈妈威胁孩子：“吃不吃？不吃我给旁边的叔叔吃了啊！”
妈妈说了好几次，可孩子还是不吃。
两站过后，旁边的叔叔不耐烦的说：“小朋友，你不吃就说一声啊，叔叔还有两站就下车了！”

评论： 身在福中不知福，后面可有排队的怪叔叔，小盆友!

2漂亮MM上车刷卡！爆笑！

公交车上，一位漂亮MM上了车掏出了卡来刷卡。
只听刷卡机回复：“滴！老人卡！”
全车人冻住，皆而望她。
她一脸黑线说：“看什么，天山童老，没见过啊？”
一大爷起身说：“来，大娘，您坐这儿！”

评论：现在的人，为了占便宜，可以不要脸嘛！脸才值几个钱。

3伪装的太好了！爆笑！

营长到阵地检查大炮伪装情况。
营长见几个战士正在灌木丛中爬行，似乎在寻找什么。
营长问：“你们在寻找什么？”
战士答：“报告营长，昨天我们把大炮伪装得太好了，今天连我们都找不到了。”

评论：什么时候把男人的淫欲也伪装得这么好就行了，哎。

4官二代和富二代PK！爆笑！

官二代对富二代说：“你爹真牛B的话，在新闻联播里插一条广告给我看看啊？”
富二代撇撇嘴说：“你爹真牛B的话，有本事插条真的新闻给我看看？”

评论：质的差别和量得差别在此，可对普通的我们来讲，遥不可及。官本位和财富本位都是本位啦。

5爸爸被儿子耍了！爆笑！

儿子：“爸爸，我长大了要当一名北极探险家。”
爸爸：“好啊，爸爸支持你！”
儿子：“可是我想现在开始训练自己。”
爸爸：“怎么个训练法？”
儿子：“我每天要吃一个冰淇淋！”

评论：童言无忌，可爱的孩子，伟大的梦想。

6一口气喝了半瓶！爆笑！

一男子酒驾被交警拦下。
就在他下车一瞬间，这哥们抄起瓶五粮液，一口气就喝了半瓶。
然后边喝边说：“我不是酒后驾车，我是驾后喝酒！现在我喝了酒，不能开车了，不然要拘6个月。我车就停这，乱停车你们开罚单，拖走也行。我打车走了，明再来提车！”
交警茫然。。。

评论：我是学法律的，哪天我们去讨论一下这个问题，能不能合理规避所谓酒驾？

7怎么包子涨价了！爆笑！

男子买包子时，发现涨价了！
于是男子问老板：“怎么包子涨价了？”
老板说：“因为肉价涨了！”
男子大为不满：“肉涨价，素馅包子为啥也涨价啊？”
老板哈哈大笑：“做包子的大师傅他要吃肉啊！”

评论：现在这个社会，什么都涨，就是工资不涨。居然大师傅要吃肉都是涨价的借口，让我百姓如何生存！

8无知的班主任！爆笑！

班主任巡视教室时，发现一张空课桌上刻了几行字，很生气！
班主任问邻座的学生：“这是谁写的？”
学生探过头一看，上面写的是《再别康桥》，就说：“是徐志摩写的。”
班主任气愤地大声说：“你告诉徐志摩，叫他下午到我办公室一趟！”

评论：为人师表，被学生气成这样也实在不容易。

9麻烦您告诉我一声！爆笑！

一人向路边倒车。
看旁边站着一老人，就说：“大爷，要撞上了麻烦您告诉我一声。”
老人：“好的，倒，倒，倒！”
“咣！”的一声巨响，老人：“好了，撞上了。”

评论：呵呵，可爱的老人，你既然目的是想撞上，那我还是等撞上时候告诉你好了。

10 避孕黄瓜事件！爆笑！

前不久发生的避孕黄瓜事件。
女同事很不解的说：“现在这人真是，用黄瓜本来就不会怀孕，为什么还要涂避孕药呢？！”

评论：那个……我对不起大家，贴出来这则时候没意识到发过这条了……我承认错误。

1 弄得这是一头什么
2 怀疑他是故意弄得，喜欢撒旦
3 刚开始踢球时容易这样子
4 这哥们惨了
5 抓拍瞬间真是什么表情都有
6 一边开车一遍卖东西
7 被扣篮扣上去的
8 死定了
9 是高兴还是痛苦
10 有些魔鬼的感觉

1.把叔叔都给弄着急了 哈哈 不吃到时说话啊
2.还是这位大爷给力啊 很配合
3.长官和士兵的故事层出不穷啊
4.都是二代的玩意 应该相互照顾 相互帮助嘛
5.现在的孩子啊 大人都治不了
6.很明显 这人是律师嘛
7.嗯 是啊 肉涨价就和汽油涨价了是一样的
8.徐志摩是噶啥的 ？？ :teeth
9.倒 倒 倒 。。倒过了
10.女：买黄瓜 菜农：吃还是用 ？ 哈哈

现在通货膨胀太严重了，白菜都快要房子价了

天山童老,这女的应变能力也太强了

我也是需要吃肉的，唉，现在的物价呀:faint

个人感觉天山童姥终于出山了
喝半瓶五粮液 这家伙怎么想的出来

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唉，包子涨价那则和避孕黄瓜这则我看到后没有笑意，只有满心的无奈。